and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
