They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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