Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
