Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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