Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
