I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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