He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
