Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
