i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He passed out mid-signature
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
