everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The beer is more important than you right now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
