I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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