you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
