hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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