who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
