i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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