I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My hand turned me down
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
