Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
