my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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