morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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