i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
