I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
