So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
