I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
