I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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