what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
