I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
