in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
