I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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