When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
