Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
