New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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