I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
