You're my little dorito
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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