the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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