i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
