He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
