She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
