the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
