i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
