id be glad to
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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