Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
