He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
