If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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