Me too!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
