I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
