I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
