Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why do cheetos always look like penises
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
