shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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