I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
