you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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