By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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